The "snow" we walk on

I imagined you with me on that cold winters day.

 I wanted you to save me from the chill of the morning breeze, the snow that covered my bare feet. I looked towards the giant monument, the clock centered in town and it became clear that you were not going to show. I was alone, for the first time in my life I had nowhere to hide or seek comfort, like everyone else you had left me. I walked the empty streets hoping that somewhere I would see you waiting for me, telling me that we got lost somehow but as the frozen leaves fell to the ground so did the hope inside me fade.

Night had set in as I found home, the house that was once alive had become a monster, Its doors and broken windows resembled years of neglect. The fire burning inside its belly was small and faint as smoke escaped from the chimney disappearing into the dark night. The fire provided little heat and comfort to my already troubled mind and night had only begun. I imagined you with me on that cold winters night, I imagined things how they were supposed to be but nothing had prepared me for this.

I found your letter, the one you had written me, the one engraved within my heart. You said that you were sorry but you cant accept me, you cant face the truth about who I really am. The fire was dying now and I had nothing within me to keep it from dying as the slicing wind blew violently through the house. You said that you were sorry, that maybe if you had done things differently I would not be so. You asked me to forgive you for all that has been done, that we can play the game once more but on your rules, ones you had written a very long time ago.

My house, everything I knew was falling apart around me. I stood in the snow barefoot each day hoping you would show so that I could show you in all honesty that the one you loved is not gone. The clock ticked by for months and days, long days where I hoped that this might be the day you would come back for me. Eventually as all seasons go the snow began to melt, but still no sign of you and day by day I started fixing my house trying to ignite the fire from within.

Winter for now has passed. And if I could I would write you a letter too.

A letter engraved into your heart telling you that I forgive you but I will no longer walk along the icy river and streets of time hoping you will show. The truth is I did not lose you, you lost me a very, very long time ago. I remember in you letter you said to me that no one knows what the future holds, I guess that is the truth but I know I will not be broken anymore. Search for me and you will find me, me not someone else.